o v e r e x p o s e d

once and for all.

2008-06-18T04:23:00.000+08:00

goodbye.

dressy dressy

2008-05-21T18:22:00.009+08:00

i have an obsession this month
i don't know how long it's gonna last
but I LOVE DRESSES!

i'm gonna get one of you!
<3

daydreaming

2008-05-19T03:03:00.010+08:00

i've stepped into the land of dreams & fantasies

it is a maze of endless possibilities & plain madness

i start to question what can be mine & forever

however the line in between is but a mirror, cold & unfamiliar.

daydreaming a tad too much these days

drama after drama, both real & reel,

movie after movie, both happy & sad

sometimes i begin to forget where my head is.

sorta watched Memoirs of a Geisha for the 5th time today
such a beautiful show, the costume, the culture, the story, the love...

if only everyone could find a chairman hah,

fashion's fetish is fantasy.

i want...

2008-05-12T00:51:00.002+08:00

gosh.
the feeling really sucks when you can't get what you want
it's been such a long time since i've found something
that i really love and wanna buy
simply because there ain't a lot of nice clothes these days
at least for a lower price range.

i finally found 'the dress' you know!
its THE dress.
it's so beautiful and it fits perfectly
i begged my sister to buy it for me 1st
and i'll pay her back in instalments
but she turned me down coldly
sobs....

i'm so in love wit that dress
i've been thinking about it all the time...
it sucks to have no job.

God, i pray...
some kind soul will provide me with the money
or i will have some miraculous financial blessing
or i will finally get a great part time job
and i will manage to buy the dress before its gone,
it shall be in my size, UK8 and in black color
and without a thread outta place.
Thank you God.
In Jesus name i pray, Amen!

lalalalalalalala

2008-05-07T02:56:00.002+08:00

today, i felt like i was in the right place at the right time doing the right thing
:)

its so good to be singing again <3

displays

2008-05-04T04:21:00.002+08:00

i had a "field trip" to Orchard Rd

part of Introduction to Visual Merchandising

to study & construct floor plan of 3 diff shops

study the layout & displays
chosen from Taka or Paragon.
so i went for Ted Baker, GUESS, and Calvin Klein
my favourites. hehe.

my stupid teacher said we had to take pictures discreetly
like wth right? he even said: "try not to get caught by the security"

so i felt really pai seh so i didn't take any.

checkout the gorgeous fitting room at Ted Baker

so much to say

2008-04-26T04:17:00.002+08:00

a chapter has started
reality kicks in
what shall i do next time?
what shall i do now?
too many questions
all left answered

well, maybe we should all be praying for time...

for time to not sneak up on us
for time to heal all pain
for time to bring more joy
for time to believe in hope
for time to love you & i

in love with gong yoo...

2008-04-23T01:27:00.007+08:00

thanks to tiff,
she introduced this korean show to me
and i fell in love with Gong Yoo from Coffee Prince once again
omg, he's so cute in this show,
in fact in every show he's so charming
slowly watching every movie n drama he acted in
hardcore fan =X

presenting:
Hello My Teacher (a.k.a Biscuit Teacher & Sugar Candy)

i really love this show, WATCH IT
you won't regret :)

p.s: tiff, he's mine not yours hehehehehe
don't steal u can have bae yong jun

OMG

2008-04-16T04:21:00.003+08:00

okay so i was watching Ch V n this mtv came on
i've heard this song before and i'm sure u have too
and when i saw the title and artist i almost vomit blood
PAULA ADBUL la!!

shocked enough i watch on,
and i got another shock of my life
KEANU REEVES is in it!!
like wth?!?!
and at the end they were getting close
and i was like please please don't kiss!
and EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
they kissed.
GROSS

but no matter what, i still love you keanu reeves :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GBqDN3lK6E&feature=related#
WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK

torn between two

2008-04-14T16:50:00.002+08:00

www.mildredzee.com is up again
thanks to him,
who paid for another year for the domain

but i'm beginning to love blogspot.
it's so easy to post pictures

how???

blogspot or .com?

awaken

2008-04-13T01:32:00.005+08:00

today's powerful service hit me in waves

i keep saying i wanna be this n that

but where's the hunger?

what action was taken?
NOTHING

only complain tt dreams don't come true.
i'm sick n tired of u mildred zee.

WAKE UP.

*pray, pray, pray.
its the only way, no short cut.
no more fooling around.
6 more months of school, do your best

NO MORE FOOLING AROUND

keep your eye on the prize

a new light

2008-04-11T02:40:00.002+08:00

after reading tiff n huang sisters blog
i think we're really growing up

because of you guys
i can see the light at the end of the tunnel

i love you guys :)

another chapter has ended
the next chapter has just begun...

muse muse

2008-04-10T02:10:00.005+08:00

i wanna have another photoshoot!
can't wait to get behind the camera once again.
i may not be the best or a professional
but i love love love love love love love love it.
yeah u get the point.

need to find a new muse
tiff will get sick of me sooner or later haha

cheryl! come back and be my model =X

fat-free-ness

2008-04-07T01:01:00.004+08:00

i'm determined not to become a total bum before school reopens
so i've gotta plan my day right?
just like what Pst Tan says

so i shall wake up at 12.30pm
cook korean noodles and watch some good tv til 2-ish?
then i'll practice guitar til 3
surf the net for my next photoshoot concept til 4
read Stardust til 5.30
bring Mikki for a walk til 6

*GO JOGGING AT 6PM
(to jog for no lesser than 30min on the road to fat-free-ness)

and as for the rest of the days events wont be necessary
as i'll just be tired out from the jog
and probably just wanna die in front of the tv LOL
and watch Miami Ink

I CAN DO IT!
I SHALL STICK TO THE PLAN!
STICK TO THE PLAN!

no more bumming :)

clarity

2008-03-31T17:02:00.007+08:00

its amazing how song can relate to

almost every point of your life
i was on the bus home after talking to pastor
when my ipod shuffled to Fergie's 'Big Girls Don't Cry'

it totally describes my mood now

" The path that I'm walking I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown,
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

I hope you know, I hope you know

That this has nothing to do with you

It's personal, myself and I

We've got some straightening out to do

And I'm not gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've got to get a move on with my life

It's time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry "

it feels good to be at this place where i'm free

from resentment and bitterness wit myself and anyone else.

freedom.

born again

2008-03-28T05:46:00.006+08:00

http://www.mildredzee.com/ is dead
i don't know who killed it.

i've moved

2007-05-01T19:05:00.000+08:00

ladies and gentlemen,
i've moved to
WWW.MILDREDZEE.COM

WEEEEEEEEEEEEE.... got my own webbie,
want me to link u? lol

hua yu ku!

2007-04-11T01:00:00.000+08:00

well, today's post is really from the bottom of my heart

i really wanna thank the people who have

made these few weeks of my life so unforgettable

THANKS:

to Roy & Melvin, my dear founders of Royal Culture Corporation

for giving me this opportunity to appear on Ch U new show Seamingly Singapore

to Ruby for assisting me so selflessly, and every little thing you did

to Ziling, i know you prayed till heaven dropped down for me

to Tiffany, for being the best model anyone could possibly ask for

to Judy for being the nicest sweetest person, terrific to work with

to the camera crew, for cracking me up and making me feel home

and Dasmond Koh for helping me and making me realize my chinese really sucks!

my creation

i cut and made holes and added the ribbon

till 3am in the morning

when filming starts at 8am

ruby, fong fan, me and tiff

highlight of the day:
meeting Fong Fan, Executive Stylist for 8days
and Dasmond Koh
they are really really really nice people
=)

you know walking around with a mic attached to ur tee
and the thingy at the back of your clothes
really makes one feel like a star
anyway, i need to buck up on my chinese
HUA YU COOL!
oops i mean ku!

baack

2007-03-29T02:20:00.000+08:00

seriously, i don't know what you want me to blog about

haha.

hmmm learn from jerry, emerge events

well i joined talentime, again

sang 'i will fly' by ten2five

alex played acoustic for me

definitely better than last year's audition but what are the odds?

200 over auditioners and only 4 can get thru

even a camel can go thru a needle eye easier

yawn.

i haven't got news whether i'm in or not.

i'm trying not to care.

oh yes, i'll be appearing on a ch U show

called Seamingly Singapore or something

some fashion competition, dressing a model, Tiffany, in American style

which is stupid because America has NO STYLE

why didn't they give me BRIT STYLE!

OMG i'll kill for brit style, SERIOUSLY

yeah and setting up a store called Tunik

selling Affliction and Sinful

so stay tuned =)

that's all about my crazy life,

at the moment.

woohooo!

2007-02-14T01:28:00.000+08:00

LOVE IS IN THE AIRRRRR

i'm excited!
i'm going to bangkok in like less than 7 hours
it may be a short 3 days n 2 nights but it's gonna be wild
shop till i drop.

to the dear pple i promised to buy things for
i promise to TRY as hard as possible to get your stuff
try wit all ma heart alright?

flying away to another country on V Day seems even more exciting!
loves it.

will make this trip pictorial, hope i got enough to do all these things
buy LOTS OF STUFF, do hair, swim, take tonnes of pics, watch ah gua show etc..

thank you Jesus.

2007-01-27T23:20:00.000+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

check it out!

this collection of stuff are really great!

trust me, i wish i could have everything =P

www.lanasconfession.com

eventually

2007-01-15T23:57:00.000+08:00

i know it's a lie

but why do i choose to trust you?

closing one eye is like walking around with a knife in my chest

i can hardly breathe

please just make it easier to believe you

it's enough that you don't care about me
don't lie too.

I drank your poison,

'cause you told me it's wine.

Shame on you if you fooled me once.

Shame on me if you fooled me twice.

I didn't know the price.

You'll get yours eventually.

you sang it well, Pink - Eventually.

recaps

2007-01-09T00:27:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LESLIEEEEEEEE
oh as if he can hear me.

he's in hk not buying anything for me hah.

which reminds me...

he 'ying xiu' me during new year countdown

supposed to come meet me at 11 plus

ended up coming at 1 plus then show face for 20min

then go off wit matt lim they all

irritating.

if you were there earlier

me zi tiff and ruby wouldn't have got foamed!

BLOODY FOAMERS!

if only i even got to see your stinky faces

i would hunt you down.

but poor me, only saw your filthy tummies and nips

coz you guys weren't even civilized enough to wear tees

spray the stupid foam and stuff on us

till my vintage bag can't be salvaged.

traces of white substances still stuck on the leather

argh!

YOU WILL PAY!

ah i shall be gracious and stop ranting abt it

post pictures soon

when stupid blogger doesn't irritate me

forcedd

2007-01-06T00:52:00.000+08:00

ok so i didn't know how popular my blog was...

i thot after a month of not blogging no one will come n see

lol.

my sister demanded me to blog about her.

seems like she's a fan too. =X

MICHELLE ZEE MEI XIA!

terrorist =X

lol. she's so gonna kill me but i still wanna do this.

at least she spreads my blog to her colleagues, i think?!

ok so let's talk more about her....

she's rather smart yet rather bimbo sometimes

and she likes to appear fierce and irritating and pretends to hate my dog

but secretly carries Mikki and lets him out to play when no ones home

stealthy...

and and and we are destined,

yes destined to have friends who buy us crappy gifts.

maybe our taste is exquisite?

and i owe her money haha

bad debts

lol

she told me the most stupid thing yet crazily logical thing to me quite some time ago

ok so we were watching tv

and we switched channel to channel news asia

then cheryl fox was reporting about some gay pple

something about them going some place or something

can't remember.

then my sis opens her mouth

"you know why there are gays?

because God wanted to control the population growth

and since all the good looking guys are gay,

they and their gay partners can't reproduce

and all the men left are ugly and don't get married,

which means no kids."

LOL.

enuff said.

loveeeeee ya

2007-01-04T01:24:00.000+08:00

wow haven't been blogging for soooo long

anyway, just to sum things up

i had a great time during the end of 2006

i couldn't have had ended it a better way

my birthday.. christmas... Lana's Confession

it was simply fantastic!

i just wanna say, i love you guys!

especially zi,

for giving me a whole new persepctive of my life =)

guess i've been blessed with the best friends

haha...

more sewing to do!

i owe 3 pple bags already

so lazy, but i'm not allowed to be lazy in 2007

God help me!

cutie cutie pie

2006-11-09T20:13:00.000+08:00

i've got a dog!!!

i can't believe it.
i've gotta cute lil 4 month old chihuahua

isn't he a darling?
super active lil fella.
i tried taking a decent picture but he kept moving

i still don't know what to name it.
but it must start with an 'M'
i like the name mattie but my parents don't like.
hope i don't end up calling him 'doggie'

i think too much

2006-11-09T01:48:00.000+08:00

why the hell am i a designer?
why did i take graphic design instead of fashion?
why can't i just go to school everyday like every normal human being?
well, just a few of the many questions i ask myself
almost everyday
more and more as i struggle with life in design sch
the more i start to think,
is there actually something i'm genuinely good at?
that everyone notices too
if you know of something pls tell me?
my dream from young has always been to be....
a famous fashion designer.
i don't wanna give up on that dream
however i seem to have studied the wrong course
lol. i don't know man
all i pray is that i'll have something to do in fashion
even if it is to be a make-up artist
i don't mind.
good idea, i should learn how to do make-up professionally.
then work my way up to stylist? or or,
'editor of elle magazine, singapore'
woahhhh =)
i'm loving this.
but being in fashion requires hard hard work.
long hours and and and.... nice clothes?
lol.k think positive!
it will happen, it SHALL happen!
i feel so silly, motivating myself as i blog.
well i guess it beats being all sian and moody.

leaving you with a really interesting picture of a runway model.
FAT one

see, anything is possible.

2006-11-02T15:55:00.000+08:00

cg bbq last friday.

this is probably the 1st bbq that i didn't touch a single piece of chick

ate only 5 hotdogs and 6 crabsticks.

that's all, can you believe it?

but the weather was great, nice n cooling.

a few pics, coz ziling never send me any =(here she is, as crazy as ever.
thanks to leslie i look like a freak, a cute one?
this is probably the nicest photo =)

only when i'm next to leslie i realize how fair i am.

(that's supposed to be a compliment =X)

btw, my hair sucks SERIOUSLY

even jx agrees wit me.

bob is just becoming stranger each day, its making me sick

i dont know what to do man, should i cut shorter?

or leave it to grow like painstakingly slow?

HELP!

i probably liked my hair for the 1st 2 days when i just cut

coz it looked great, when they help me blow dry n stuff

but now it just looks like crap

it's gonna take me another 2 years at least to grow to waist level.

God help me.

2006-10-27T01:05:00.000+08:00

Stereophonics - Maybe Tomorrow (Live)

*prays* God please bless me with a husband who can sing like that.. in Jesus name i pray, Amen.

kill time

2006-10-26T15:58:00.000+08:00

ok so, my cousin Douglas got married last saturday
all my relatives from brunei came.
it was fun, especially my nieces and nephews
they're damn cute BUT talkative.
so happy to see my cousins though.
photo time.
wedding, me n my 3 sisters were the ushers
nicer way to say door bitch or bouncers.

mateen my nephew, his eyes are damn big la.
we were supposed to be ushering, but ended up taking pics. heh

beautiful wedding =)pretty pretty

told you he was cute.

at Oriental hotel for dinner.

in charge of ticking names. my eldest sis, april my niece, me... we look like models =P cousins! except the lil red one. i love my babydoll dress =P
iskandar my nephew

can't wait for my sisters or friends to get married
weddings are just so fun.

love music

2006-10-05T14:57:00.000+08:00

Got this from jerry's blog. so interesting.

Turn on Windows Media Player/Winamp/whatever you use as MP3 and put it in shuffle mode. For every question, press "next song". Enter title to answer the question.

1. How does the world see me? they say That's So You - The Rocket Summer

2. Will I have a happy life? yes coz i'll have tonnes of 'Handbags and Gladrags - Stereophonics

3. What do my friends really think of me? haha, they think i'm Sugar - Ladytron ain't that nice

4. Do people secretly lust after me? Beautiful Ones - Suede, only the beautiful ones lust after me, hah

5. How can you be happy? Daft Punk Is Playing At My House - LCD Soundsystem, lol, i don't even know who daft punk is la

6. What should I do with my life? Come Into Our Room - Clinic. LOL

7. Why must life be so full of pain? it is the only Way To Go - Teen Wolf Soundtrack, how true....

8. Will I ever have children? only When The Sun Goes Down - Arctic Monkeys

9. Will I die happy? maybe, but i'll die in California - Phantom Planet

10. What is some good advice for me? If You Leave - Nada Surf, if i leave everything will be fine sobs =(

11. What is happiness? You'll Be Safe Here - Rivermaya

12. What's my favorite fetish? Yellow - Tanya Chua

13. How will I be remembered? someone who's always Just Looking - Stereophonics

14. What is your love life like? huh? Popular Mechanics For Lovers - Beulah

15. What would you say to the person if he wanted to kill you? omg Time Is Running Out - Muse

16. What's your life motto? yeah Fire Fire - M.I.A, burn all u pple.

17. What do your parents think of you? they think i'm Broken - Seether feat. Amy Lee

18. What's your favorite hobby? i like to Paint The Silence - South, with yellow, my fetish

19. What does your best friend really think of you? terrible so she constantly needs to Breathe - Telepopmusik

20. What's the worst thing about you? I'm Not Okay - My Chemical Romance

21. Describe your mind? Plug-In Baby - Muse

22. How will you die? with One Love - Elliot Yamin & Mary J Blige (American Idol 5 finale)

23. How does your crush feel about you? he has 'Opium Dreams - Rithma' about me

24. What is your wedding going to be like? yes, Something Pretty - Patrick Park =)

25. What about your honeymoon? i'll be his Rock & Roll Queen - The Subways

26. Describe the last day of your life? i'll go catch a Midnight Show - The Killers will kill me.

27. Why does life suck? because It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Deathwish - My Chemical Romance

28. Why does life rule? Maybe I'm Amazed - Jem haha

29. What will you be famous for? All That I've Got - The Used, see...

30. What's the craziest thing you'll ever do? make a Magic Pie - Oasis, that really sounds crazy

31. Will you achieve your goals? yes, amidst the Sea And The Rhythm - Iron and Wine

32. What will your future job be like? it'll just make me Shiver - Coldplay, maybe the air-con there too strong

33. And your party life? Blind Asylum - Orenda Fink coz i'm crazzzzyy

34. Overall, will you be happy? no, just Numb - Pink

35. Or will you just deal with it? fast like the Speed Of Sound - Coldplay

Damn funny la... haha.. laughing like a hyena already
kewlllll. feel like doing it again. i love the 300 songs in my new playlist =D
say yes to indie, rock and alternative!

jerrrrry

2006-09-29T14:49:00.000+08:00

can't believe you have a blog!?

anyway it's highly entertaining, seriously.

see ain't i good? i'm blogging about you, you know?

feel honored?

anyway why is my link 'colors of mild-red'?

i aint very colorful you know? you trying to be funny right

1st say i'm a zebra then now say i have COLOURS

anyway, i kinda miss hanging out wit you guys man.

but i guess we won't have much to talk about and

i'll probably get made fun of like mad la but...

just reminds me of sec sch days where you guys were my pillar of hope

thru my family problems and bf problems haha

i never really thanked you guys for it.

so, thanks. =)

anyway, bob is going outta control.

lack of sleep, eating way too much

yawn.

sleepless

2006-09-24T02:54:00.000+08:00

so many deaths

i call it the season of death

life is just so unpredictable.

yeah, some pple just know when they're going to die soon

well, i said some.

something's missing.

anyway....................... no anyway.

2006-09-17T21:41:00.000+08:00

ok go

backyard dancing!
this is damn funny la.
enjoy =)

2006-09-17T00:59:00.000+08:00

ok go

they are damn cool la!!!!
zi, ruby, tiff, we can dance together! lol just nice 4 pple =P

2006-09-04T15:58:00.000+08:00

loves.

i'm blessed to be a part of lana's confession!
it somehow expanded my designing capacity

can u actually believe i designed this logo and ad?

so chic right? I KNOW!

how i wish i could have everything in the webbie

well that's me, the impulsive shopper.

http://lanasconfession.com

come and go

2006-08-26T01:15:00.000+08:00

"if i had a car now, i'd drive into the sea"

i feel like going to the beach.
sitting alone on the man made rocks that 'break-water'
feel the wind, smell the sea
hear the waves crashing...
night or day, i wanna be there.
so i could dive in and never be found
drown myself in my sea of thoughts

i need some saving.

sleepless

2006-08-23T01:10:00.000+08:00

i seriously have a problem waking up.

i cant wake up anytime before 12pm

at least i don't want to..

this morning i was awaken by the freaking people who cut the grass

why the hell must they do it in the morning at 10-11 plus

what's wrong with you?

wake me up, because of that i refused to get up

therefore i skipped lesson no.1 of layout and design

which was at 12pm

all your fault.

i suddenly have a fear of aging

i see so many old, wrinkled and crooked old people nowadays

i really don't wanna live if i'm like that.

it just freaks me out.

skin will be sagging and disgusting

life would be so different...

you'll be like so........ limited.

i'm crazy. i really think i am.

i just hope i achieve the things i wanna do before i'm old

i don't wanna live with all da regrets

i definitely dont wanna bring it wit me to my deathbed

why so emo?

she's in fashion

2006-08-05T17:44:00.000+08:00

photos, photos and more photos

fashion imaging is so cool.

but tiring, 3 hrs of setting up equip and shoot is draining

2 more weeks of this.

i'm going nuts.

i need a model urgently!

if u wanna be my model or know any suitable person

PLEASE FIND ME!

15 good pictures for fall/winter 2006/07
somebody save me!

the team: eric,felix,huda,kim(model), atiqah, me and aida
oooo looks like an orb on top of felix head..
eerie 7th month.

squashed

greennn

i love this pic

they made me laugh

eric looking all fierce and beng-ish

oops i pressed flash

posing

da best friends - huda n aida

hahaha
fun fun... took like a million pics but only can upload a few.

yawn

2006-07-27T22:31:00.000+08:00

im sick.

AGAIN.

i dont understand, i drink sooo much water

till i keep peeing

and i'm still so heaty

can feel im starting to have fever and sore throat already

shit man.

i hate it.

especially wit so much work to do in sch

stress...

why da hell am i so useless?

lazy to blog man.

feel like time is so precious now.

i wish to faint in front of my parents one day

so they will stop pestering me to do housework

as though i'm the only daughter they have.

seriously. its getting on my nerves

losing my mind

2006-07-25T20:45:00.000+08:00

i forgot what i wanted to blog about

seriously...

i forgot!!

now i'm just typing aimlessly

trying to remember hard

what is it?

i wanna go shopping really badly

blessed wit 40 bucks

coz someone bought my logo design!

feel so happy... i've never had confidence in my graphic designs

anyway what can i buy?

what to do wit it?

if i go to topshop, i only can get 1 item.

lol. feel so torn.

i've like 10 different tops on my wishlist.

all from topshop

how i wish my 40 bucks was 400 bucks

so i could buy all 10 tops

well... i really need to control how much i spend

but its tough,

at least i tithe or give offering =)

open heaven....

TOPSHOP here i come!!!

i wrote a song.. da tune is kinda nice catchy

but i'm still working on the lyrics.

trying not to make it so negative =X

hope i can record soon.

pls fulfil my wish...

2006-07-22T13:25:00.000+08:00

argh...
TOPSHOP keeps sending me emails

of their latest stuff...

how i wish i had money to buy more clothes.

sick of my clothes

i wanna change my style already

but no ability to do so....

sigh...

don't know if im confirm in BV or not

they still havent called me

if i do get in... i need to buy more clothes

there's just plenty of things i wanna buy

looking at topshop webbie

looking at all da nice clothes

it just makes me itch.

i don't mind starving myself for days to save up da money

hmmmm... good idea.

i shall =)

then again,

if you wanna invest in me, in my life

you can provide me retail therapy at TOPSHOP

lol...

oc oc oc

2006-07-19T01:38:00.000+08:00

yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OC is back!
season 3. my fav seth cohen is back! ryan's not bad too la but short.

actually i've already read the episode guides n stuff, seen da pics

i know what's gonna happen just that never seen it happen

i watched da part where marissa supposedly dies already

i almost cried.

OC is like such a nice show but its plagued

plagued wit deaths, bgr problems, n guys itching to whack other guys

but its still nice.

wish i had summer or marissa's wardrobe.

*dreams*

anyway funny that ch5 didnt really advertise it.

i only happen to on the tv at 12.05am last night

only to realize it's showing

that's how freakin blessed i am

or else i would have killed myself for missing it.

hehe.

tons of nice shows to watch everyday

who wants to study like that?

anyway, i've decided to go into sewing n designing dresses n bags

if you have experience wit where to buy cloth n materials

and all that stuff, PLS HELP ME!!!

haha... hope common sense will be enough to pull off my latest craze

few of my fav pictures for you to admire....very long ago, i know.so happy together yoga?

don't ask me why

so very happy

2006-07-09T01:09:00.000+08:00

a few days ago i was the saddest person on earth

today, actually from friday night after cg onwards

i am the happiest person on earth!!!!

i miraculously got in BV!!!

still very amazed...

i didn't even get into the 2nd round of auditions.

God is good.

He really does exceeding, abundantly above what we can ask or imagine.

feel so loved by ziling, tiff, ruby, leslie pei min roy keeve and the rest.

they were really genuinely happy for me

zi even cried. where to find such a friend?

i really owe it to keeve and sis bel and sis alison for giving me a chance =)

everyone like ivan, alex and all were shocked i didnt make it at 1st

but now.... my dream has come true, has come alive!

thank you thank you thank you.

had a fun time taking pictures today after church

really funny.. once cass sends it to me

then can see le!

excited.

upset.

2006-07-07T00:12:00.000+08:00

lost the will to blog...

sigh...

angry, upset, shocked, humiliated, irritated

all at the same time.

when life isn't so beautiful,

shut the door.

i'm shutting my door

and slamming it right at your face.

ps: I BITE. grrrr...

school sucks

2006-06-28T16:58:00.000+08:00

ok so school sucks.

like totally.

especially Felix Cheong.

he's really an ass, wit an attitude problem.

i think he needs to go back to school and learn some manners 1st

xingqing said that last time, in his class

she was presenting and he wasn't even paying attention

playing wit his shoes and stuff.

how rude.

today is the 2nd day of class only and we had to present our design brief

our grp come up witand we weren't sure what it was.

so we asked him and he was so bloody pissed.

his face was like hot wit anger

and then he sighed and scolded the whole class

thinking we are fools coz we don't even understand what's a design brief

in the 1st place he didn't explain what was required n stuff

call yourself a teacher.

not even the slightest bit patient

i think i'm more patient then he is.

he thinks he's so smart that he refuses to teach

and expect us learn eveything thru osmosis.

GET OUT OF MY SCHOOL!

you don't deserve a place here.

i'll diss you till you leave, you sickening piece of.....

ok, let's move on to happier stuff.

yst when i went out

and i was walking to the bus stop

and i saw the strangest couple in front of me.

they were students from Jun Yuan Sec Sch

wearing uniforms.

so whole time we were walking the same direction as me

they were like 5m infront of me

the girl was like putting her hand over his waist.lol

something i thot the guy was supposed to do

then he wiggled his way out of her arms

then the girl put her arm around his.

he wiggled out again. lol.

then she held his hand. that was the funniest

coz his fingers were like stretched out.

clearing not wanting to hold her hand.

haha...

ok the funniest part is coming...

then we ended up at a junction waiting for the green man so we can cross

by the time i caught up wit them

standing directly behind them wit my sunglasses on and listen to my mp3

like this.

then guy swinging around trying to wiggle out again

the girl talking to the guy but he doesn't even give a damn.

so poor thing.

then the guy turned behind and saw me

haha then turned back and looked at me again

then the song on my mp3 finished

so there's no sound for a few secs before the next song

then i heard da girl say : " why you look at other girls also don't wanna look at me?"

wahaha... i almost laugh out loud

then he just gave her a stupid stare then turned his head away.

then i couldn't hear anything and quickly walked off.

lol.

stupid guy, don't like then break up la.

what for live in agony?

changes

2006-06-27T14:01:00.000+08:00

ok, so there's been quite some new things in my life.

1st, it was the hair.

from this pic taken last yr during my bday

my long long hair, sobs.

thinking about makes me wanna cry, lol.

i ain't gonna cut my hair ever again. from long to........
short. can't wait for it to grow....
new piercing!

i was so happy about it, it was kinda impromptu

after svc ziling told me she wanna pierce her ear

then i was like, oh let's pierce together

would have pierce my naval or eyebrow if the lady in charge of piercing

the more high level areas didnt go home.

next will be...... naval piercing.

really want eyebrow but my mum will kill me.

by the way the nose piercing was damn pain can?

the guy was very fast though.

he 1st gave me some tissue

he asked me to close my eyes, then he sprayed da alcohol on my nose which

dripped to my mouth, yuck.

then he laughed and said that's wad da tissue is for. lol.
then i felt a bit scared. then he said don't need to be scared la, not pain one.

then *snap* he pierced.

less than a second later.

tears flowed out from my eyes.

its a natural reaction when u pierce nose but

it was really pain.

but i still like it. no pain no gain?

happy happy happy. after piercing
christine's back from america, she's grown prettier.
wit da new clothes, style n straight hair.
which makes me wanna say,
THERE AREN'T ANY UGLY WOMEN,
ONLY LAZY ONES!
i wish i could do an extreme makeover on someone again
so fun...
if u've got the money, come look for me.
i guarantee i can make you look much better.
=D

2006-06-21T04:19:00.000+08:00

Evanescence - Bring Me To Life (Acoustic)

LOVES IT!!!!
LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!

i'm so gonna sing more of evanescence's stuff now.
yes, mark my words. =P
i wanna jam! someone go jamming wit me pls...

Amy Lee rocks.
gd nite

wahaha

2006-06-20T00:41:00.000+08:00

ok.. so i went to cut my hair on saturday before service
the previous night me n ziling were talking abt my boring hair
so she gave me some suggestions on what kinda style to cut
so i ended up layering it and cutting my fringe
and da auntie cut my hair soooooo short!!!
argh!
i almost murdered her, the back was cut at least 3 inches off can?
when i told her many times to keep da length
and she pretended to obey.
but well at least its only 12 bucks
i miss my heavy long hair.
*wails*
now ziling calls me sayuri, you know da geisha played by zhang zi yi
yeah... n she speaks to me as if she's mameha.. argh!
sooooo take a look at sayuri......

oh did i tell you, after eating at simpang after service,
me zi tiff and jin lian decided to walk to east coast.
while walking, we encountered many silly things
jin lian needed to pee, zi ling got us lost and made a big round ending up near where we started
i wanted to take out my ***, we started talking about ghost stories,lizards and ah gua encounters.

yeah... ended up taking a bus to siglap starbucks!
where we were totally crazy again.
i love them.
kinda lazy to upload more photos coz my com's bloody slow
next time.

it's irvin's birthday today!!!!!!!
*sings* happy birthday to you... blah
sakae tmr! weeeeeeeeee~

2006-06-19T01:26:00.000+08:00

the Used and My Chemical Romance

i like.

yay!

2006-06-16T01:45:00.000+08:00

yay! new skin.

i put my own picture up

so proud of myself for finally getting it done.

i'm not exactly satisfied wit da layout though

anyway, i'm terribly in need of retail therapy!

probably my chest pains will go away once i go shopping

however, its impossible coz

i've got money to shop

God i pray you'll bless me with funds to go shopping

whether it comes in a form of a person or a cheque

i will gladly accept your blessings!

i seriously need it

thank you! in Jesus name i pray,

amen!

lol.

you see, i'm going mad.

grant me my wish pleaseeee.

new direction

2006-06-15T01:26:00.000+08:00

thanks for all da concern

you know who you are =)

i feel much better and today someone talked to me

and set me in perspective

make me realize its not a bad thing

my daddy who is jobless now

is open to opportunities for a better job

especially when his previous company sucks

make him work 6 days a week

and do crazy things to him

they'll regret, my dad is a good n responsible man ok

u're missing out

and God can bless him wit a far better job =)

its pretty exciting actually hehe

well now, my health is my main concern

i've been having chest pains today

6cm under my right collar bone to be exact

it feels like something is torn inside

its pain when i breathe or even move

and it's much worse when i laugh or cough

and i was trying to sleep the pain away today

but it only got worse.

hopefully it'll go away soon.

thank God we cancelled plans to swim tmr.

it hurts when i sing too you know?

*panics*

lol. i'll get better.

sigh

2006-06-13T23:49:00.000+08:00

6.10pm, my dad came home,

just as he walked in i was walking to the door

"hi dad!" i said as i changed my direction and walked towards da couch

he didn't answer me, playfully i responded,"hey! i said hi to you!"

"HI!" he finally answered letting out a subtle smile on his face.

he busily went around da house putting things in place.

then sat down finally, to watch oprah wit me n my 2nd sis.

then out came the letter.

a termination letter.

with immediate effect adding a 1 month pay.

"i can retire early! heh." he joked.

but i could see disappointment, shock, disbelief.

my jaw dropped, its as hard to believe as the 1st time.

my dad clearly sad but trying to show us he's fine

my 2nd sis upset coz she can't carry out her plans to quit her job now

my mum trying to be supportive and told me to pray for daddy

i'm really messed up now

i guess no one will understand why

especially you, who told me its good

but well, i shouldn't expect u to

since we clearly have different family backgrounds

kinda held back most of my tears

didn't want my family esp my dad to feel worse

decided to really get a job n lift da load off my dad

calling tmr, hope i get one.

prayed. and God is really good.

just awesome.

truly, the Holy Spirit teaches u to pray

and reminds you of all God's promises

giving me faith

making me love God more.

"...and i place all my trust in You,

and i place all my hope in You..."

truly You fill my heart with songs that never end

i just wanna sing of your love forever...

photos I I

2006-06-12T16:10:00.000+08:00

changed my blogskin, thanks to ruby who changed hers

and left the website there for me to see!

anyway, more pictures as promised. sun
sun & her publicist

thursday dinner at Carnivore, brazilian meat buffet mushroom soup's not bad
the meat! yummy!
alex... is clearly enjoying it.
came across a lego sale at raffles city shopping centre after dinner,

they made a world cup stadium, so real.

complete wit spectators, helicopters,ambulance, camera men

and all da lil details. cool

nice isn't it? nothing but lego.

photos I

2006-06-12T00:59:00.000+08:00

saturday

don't we look like so happy together?
here's where the madness starts...
and...
continues...
for what...
seems like...

eternity.
i like this.

world cup fever!

2006-06-11T01:08:00.000+08:00

can u feel da world cup fever?

lol. can't believe i'm saying that

so contradicting.

i usually think soccer is boring unless u're watching

your best friends play if not its like dumb to watch

22 men run around on the field like ants chasing after a ball.

but i'm beginning to love it.

especially watching wit zi, ruby n tiff

after service we went to kfc

finally starting to eat meat

ever since going to Carnivore wit alex.

it serves a buffet of meat. brazilian style

and we ate too much.

anyway, we went kfc then decided to go tiff's house

to watch the england vs something match

bought booze and chocolate excitedly

went to her house and realized she doesn't have the channel

yawn.... must subscribe.

so we ended up watching mtv n then last night's match

it was repeated on ch5.

watching soccer wit them is so funny

n plus no guys, won't get all the technical crap

no one to tell u u know nuts abt soccer.

we actually contemplated going to mac or coffeeshop just to watch

but didn't of course

we did crazy stuff like take pics

laugh at tiffany

lol.

i love them.

lazy to upload photos again.

sneeze

2006-06-07T00:02:00.000+08:00

i'm still sick

ever since the last day of emerge conference

i have to say it was the best!

learned many things, humbled by God

grew closer and treasured my cg and friends more

truly glad that tiff and ruby came

me n ruby n zi are silly girls

we all hurt our eye by accident

me n zi scratched our eye while removing contact lens

while ruby accidentally took the wrong bottle

i mistook it for eyedrops when its actually alcohol!

how cute are we?

but we're fine now, thank you.

been sneezing n sniffing away.

at 1st it started with sore throat

then my eldest sis asked me to drink coke with lotsa salt

and it was healed immediately!

cool right?

much better than drinking salt water

so sick that i couldn't go to sentosa with alex, muhammed n gang

so sad... but it rained anyway... silly weather

well hopefully next week will be better

i really wanna sweat it out.

beach volleyball!!!!!

i invented a very nice and relaxing drink

after drinking it i feel much better

this is how i got it:

went to da fridge to get some coke wit lotsa salt

realized that i still have vodka

but i already added the salt and i dunno what it would taste like altogether

so i thot wad the heck?

coke+salt+vodka= my relaxing drink!

love it.

sweet, salty, bitter and dry.

try it!

anyway here's some pictures i took from the emerge conference

when serving on stage

not very clear coz its taken by my hp.

sad, didn't take pics wit vines of acacia

argh! problems uploading photo.

i give up.

it's been a long time

2006-05-30T15:01:00.000+08:00

realized i haven't been blogging for 12 days?

been really busy with my publication design proj

and finally its over!

so relieved. having holidays for the next 4 weeks

yeah... envy me.

after doing my project from 1pm-4am everyday

i guess i deserve a much desired rest ya?

yeah today's my resting day plus i have a terrible migraine

i wanna go swimming!

its been so hot and sunny

great for tanning.

yeah... i can hear zi ling laughing at me

she'll be saying:

" you won't be swimming lor,

just soaking ur ass in the pool"

hehe... its true.

they always make fun of me ever since that day

when we went swimming with ivan they all at steph's house

played catching and i refused to move lol.

soaking in the pool under a burning sun is the most relaxing thing

and you want me to play catching?

no way.

especially when there's a jacuzzi

ANYWAY

i plan to make this holiday a fruitful one

probably work part time at jeff's design company

coz he's willing to teach me

he's da creative director, siao siao.

so nice right?

God has really blessed me with extraordinary pple

so many things i wanna achieve

exercise, lose weight, earn money

build relationship wit God

eat tau huay for the 1st time

go jamming, learn vocal techniques

so many.

FUNNY ENCOUNTER TODAY:

i was waiting for a cab to go school coz i was gonna be late for submission

so i was waiting in the hot sun

way ahead of me there was a couple waiting for cab earlier than me

waited 5-10min for them to get one

then it was my turn.

then outta no where these 2 irritating indian guys came

and stood 5m infront of me

one of them still had the cheek to look me in the eyes and turn away

stretching his hand out when he saw a taxi

2min passed, no available cab

pissed, i wanted to make a scene and approach them

tell them off coz i have been waiting earlier

but i felt i shouldn't

still angry, i said in my heart

"Jesus, they are trying to steal my taxi

so please bless me with a cab before them"

true enough, a cab came seconds after i said that

a cab came, they flagged it, so did i

it says CHANGE-SHIFT, BEDOK on the screen thingy

then the cab stopped for them asked where they were heading

but he didn't wanna drive them HAHA.

then he drove towards me and i said:"temasek poly can?"

he said ok and smiled.

Wahahahahahahaha....

THAT'S WHAT U GET FOR MESSING WITH ME

YOU 2 BLIND AND IRRITATING TAXI-STEALERS

YOU BETTER WATCH OUT

God is good all the time

and

all the time God is good

singing time.

i'm gonna be bald!

2006-05-19T00:27:00.000+08:00

yes....

i'm serious...

everytime i comb my hair

the whole comb will be clouded with hair

my room floor is filled with my hair

its EVERYWHERE

*panics*

its as though i've got cancer.

even if i'm not losing hair

i'll probably pull it out myself

coz i'm so STRESSSSSSSSED!

yeah projects again.

new school system gives lil time to complete

not used to it

however, last min stuff is my thing

i'm always doing stuff at da last minute or second

sometimes it freaks me out

anyway,

confessing daily that God will empower me

give me strength because

all things are possible through Jesus Christ!

yeah. God help.

mummy's birthday!

buying her diamond earrings =P

to thank mummy for being the best mum!

have not been appreciating her.

happy happy happy

2006-05-14T23:52:00.000+08:00

this has been a special week for me

something magical or rather supernatural about it

a weekend conference with Pastor Phil Pringle

is something i would want more than anything

i really admire him and his family.

ordinary pple who walk closely with an extraordinary God

everytime pst phil comes

i'm taken to a higher level in life

it brings me to a period of correction i guess

make me realize da importance of prayer

and never underestimate it's power.

i attended all 3 days.

rather sad that Nikki Fletcher didn't come

she's da best.

i love her style, i love her vocals

i love how she pulls God's presence down

of course Joe Pringle is great too

handsome too haha

CCC band is such a great team

i think they're wonderful

like i said in previous posts long ago

CCC's songs are simple words with huge meaning

it goes straight to the heart.

and i love it!

i pray i'll be able to write such songs too

reading Good Morning Holy Spirit by Benny Hinn.

took 1 month to start reading da 1st page!

haha

like pple close to God's heart such as

pst phil, benny hinn and pst ulf

i truly truly hope to have my own unique adventure with God.

loves.

*hope i'll have a band of my own too =)

pictures as promised

mooooooody

2006-05-10T22:34:00.000+08:00

alright.

so class is fun, FOR ONCE.

James Na is so funny lor

outta no where, while showing us a powerpoint

on several creative annual reports

he shows a pic of him when he was 21 or 22 yrs old

which he claims is the same age as us

do i look 21 or 22 to you?

yeah, anyway he told us his hitch hiking experiences

pretty cool, really amusing.

he was trying to inspire us

that we can achieve what we want

we just have to do it.

something like that, la.

yeah then i went to fox to collect my pay

waited 45min for bus 518

got my cheque from dave lao da

realized i didn't actually work a full month

therefore my pay is 408 instead of 600

that was hard to digest

coz i was planning what to do with da $

now... 200 is gone.

ruin my plans, my flow.

went to posb queued for a while then realize i should cash my cheque

so had to go to UOB instead which is at Mount Elizabeth Hosp.

so from taka i walked there.

then queued a while then da lady told me

my cheque can't be cashed, only deposited into an a/c

so i walked all da way back to taka

and reached posb

and the queue was bloody long!

just so pissed

then these 2 ladies, one in the queue standing next to me

and another on my other side not in the queue

they were friends and they kept talking with me in the middle

i stared at them but unfortunately they're to dumb to get da hint

argh!

finally got to my turn

i realize i only can touch my money on saturday, 2pm

coz friday is a public holiday!

what's up man?

so shitty.

i hate the feeling when u have money but you don't kinda thing

it sucks.

went to topshop to cheer myself up

but felt much worse when i saw the new stuff

THAT I COULDN'T FREAKING USE MY $ TO BUY

quite a few caught my eye

i'm determined to get them

nothing will stand in my way!

oh. please remind me to get black ballet flats

or black pumps thanks

returned home after waiting for bus 518 for 30min

what's wrong with this bus?!?!?!

argh!

went home, ate a lot.

stuffed myself with food.

i'm just sad.

so sad that i even rejected eating lunch wit farah darling.

i'm sorry girl.

sigh...

randomn

2006-05-10T00:16:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a rather fun day

was supposed to go for diploma show '07 briefing

but collaborated with xing to skip it

hehe

went down to church office to help vines of acacia

with the video recording for talent time

it was sooooo fun

me,ning ru,chris,muhammed,joe and johannes

we came up with a really funny 'cheer'

and it be shown to the whole church

and whoever's watching on the internet

lol.

its really cute

probably the craziest video i've ever been in

then when recording was done

went to meet fox pple.

dave,lyn,liling,farah,colin,rizal,michael,cherry,sam

coz michael is going back to phillipines

sobs...

da number of fun pple working in fox now is like decreasing

rapidly?

makan-ed at lau pa sat

dave wanted to ask an angmoh a table away to 'kai fang' wit me

coz i had to go home alone

he wanted to find me an 'escort'

escort to da hotels nearby haha

lame...

boss dave like to bully poor defenceless girls like me n ling.

poor us.

lazy to upload photos

coz if i insert da usb thingy means

i have to either pull out my modem or mouse usb thingy

then either can't use da mouse of internet

dumb.

LAZY!

i promise to upload soon.

yay! tmr is pay day.

guess how long my pay will last this time...

contradicting?

2006-05-06T01:56:00.000+08:00

i'm tired but not tired today
strange
you get what i mean?
yeah i know you're not that smart

had my presentation on JUICE mag today
spent 7hrs doing it
yet it seems effortless
must speed up, effeciency!
james didn't even comment on it
unlike for others, he always asked questions
is it because i'm too good?
i doubt so, yeah i can see you're shaking your head in disbelief
maybe he was so disappointed?
i don't know.
when it comes to my designs n stuff
i have zero confidence.
plus amos that smart alec did JUICE mag too
thank God i presented way before him
hope my marks won't be manipulated

i'm crazy...
i was watching 'women of times'(ch8,9pm) just now
my mum taped it for me
and i tear everytime there's a crying scene
like what the hell?
when i watch Oprah i also cry
what the hell is wrong with me?
i tear then da next minute
i'm wondering what on earth is wrong with me

start scolding myself in my head hah.
maybe i've got too much tears?
i'm weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God save me.

here's leaving you with a nice pic of the night i went to watch Singapore Idol
haha..

yeah... if you see da enlarged version
my eyes are red!
i look so hiao lor. posture n everything looks so hiao
i hate it, sick.
but i treasure this picture
coz these are really talented people
far more talented than me
pierson,irvin,joanna,alex,sk,muhammed,
another 3 whom i don't really they're names
oops...

headache

2006-05-04T15:42:00.000+08:00

haven't been blogging for sometime

guess i'm getting lazier.

anyway i've started school...

i don't exactly love it

especially when you realize your 1st assignment

is due in 2 days time.

its the new system

i hope its good. No! it will be good

it shall be good.

i dont intend to stay in TP for another year... i'll die

i don't know why i'm so bloody tired

seriously, i just feel so restless everyday

i don't like it.

so lazy to do my powerpoint last night.

went to class in fear today

EVERYONE did their powerpoint presentation can?

guai kias, except joshua but at least he still did it.

unlike me, didn't do n dare to show me face in class

xing qing always wanna scold me

but i don't give a damn

i've come to a point where i don't bloody care

so the more you nag at me the more i'll continue

which would you prefer?

i'm really trying to be a better student

but old habits are hard to kick

can't anyone understand?

and then when i show up in school

they think they saw a ghost hah.

maybe i'm just a ghost, lurking around

restless, helpless ghost.

i better go do my powerpoint now

or else i'll get kicked in the ass by james.

PUBLICATION DESIGN ROCKS!

yes, i'm lying to myself again.

insomnia again.

2006-04-30T00:45:00.000+08:00

I’m having trouble sleeping

You’re jumping in my bed

Twisting in my head

Leave me
I’m having trouble breathing

You’re sitting on my chest

I sure could use the rest

Leave me
It’s you

Why’s it always you and never me?

I’ve never dared to let my feelings free

Why’s it always you and never me?

I’ve never cared too much about honesty
I’m having trouble sleeping

I’m thinking of what you said

About the tears been shed

Leave me
It’s you

Now and always you

but never me

I’ve never dared to let my feelings free

Why’s it always you and never me?

I’ve never cared too much about honesty
by the perishers

yawn...

2006-04-28T17:42:00.000+08:00

yup i didn't make it into da finals for talent time.
sad, yes.
but i definitely gained from it.
got to know really great musicians and really fun pple
and thanks to them i got a chance to watch Singapore Idol
yeah. thanks guys.
some of them study at lasalle, music composition and stuff
i'm motivated to learn music too.
after poly i guess i'll earn some money
then pursue music arrangement or vocals.
yeah, just hope my path will be blessed by God.

hope my parents will understand.
its really something i wanna accomplish in life.

my latest craze:
my chemical romance "The Ghost Of You"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwnrewwZukw&search=my%20chemical%20romance%20the%20ghost%20of%20you
da vid is nice.

yawn...............

fear or fear?

2006-04-26T02:14:00.000+08:00

finding it hard to blog these days

i can't figure out why..

well, i thank God for technology!

because these few weeks when i've been working

working non-stop

i missed Oprah!

BUT like i said, thank God for technology!

my mum taped it, every single episode haha

so i could watch... its nice

i like the life changing stories of celebrities

as well as ordinary pple like you and me

that day i happened to watch the episode about

cardio-vescular problems? is that how u spell it?

yeah er something to do with your heart and da vessels n stuff

every 1 in 2 women die of heart failure in the US.

probably around the same for asia? i dunno

anyway, its scary. 1 in 2, that's huge.

and you can prevent it by eating right,

exercising (60min of perspiring a week)

and all that stuff.

and there i was, watching and eating my fried chicken and all

it scared da hell outta me.

i don't wanna die of heart failure, ever.

sometimes a lil fear is good.

after eating and waiting for sometime to digest da food,

i exercised! 30min of perspiration!

haha...

trying to do it everyday though

i wanna lose some weight too

anyway, just wondering what it is to be there for someone

can someone tell me what it means?

there's a certain helplessness i feel.

all i can say is: if you need me to do anything for you let me know?

or i'll be praying for you.

hoping God will somehow hear my prayer

wishing for all these to come upon myself instead of you

a small voice whispers into my ear telling me how childish that thought was.

i feel so lousy...

its torturing to see you being tormented, sick and tired.

it just isn't right.

yawn...

minimal

2006-04-23T00:51:00.000+08:00

sometimes things can't just be described wit words

this week has been a miracle week for me

a week of ups and downs

out of all that i've learnt many things

things that can't be told but experienced.

everything from my attachment to coffee session with zi to my audition was special.

divine intervention?

well all i can say is

i love God.

i love my life.

and i love you guys

pre-audition blues

2006-04-21T00:35:00.000+08:00

alone is probably the most suitable word

to express how i feel now.

the world is never fair.

strangely if the world was fair

it would be called heaven.

in this world,

promises are usually not kept,

people don't mean what they say,

and the best possible excuse is to blame it on the variables
work, school, problems etc.

you feel angry but yet you can't blame these pple

for they're 'excused'.

what to do?
put your hope in God.

accept the fact that your friends and loved ones

can't always be there for you.

the key: don't expect anything.

live in surprises.

chosen!

2006-04-17T21:12:00.000+08:00

yes...
ladies and gentlemen

i have finally chosen a song...
it is....
Wonderwall by Oasis.

yeah... its THE song!
i can just feel it in my blood
haha...
i originally wanted to sing 'i will fly' by ten2five
however i just felt it wasn't the song
although i love it
until i came across wonderwall
and realized yeah i can sing this
although its a guy's song
i can shuffle in and out of 2 of the octaves quite easily
and the best is no girl has sung it before!
i'll be the 1st and hopefully the best
God bless me...
please bless me with the gift to transform this song
into an entertaining and enlightening version.
capture the hearts (and ears hehe) of anyone who listens.
thank you Jesus
Amen.

if you've never heard this song
you can download from me =)
its nice.

...

2006-04-16T00:44:00.000+08:00

1 more week left of my attachment

its a mixed feeling of joy and sadness

then going back to school

which i totally dread

this thurs or friday is my audition

for talent time

i haven't chose a song or practiced since i have no time

scared

always feel like backing out

really messed up emotionally...

i really wanna put a stop to it.

insomnia

2006-04-11T01:19:00.000+08:00

something's creeping into my head
and i don't have a bloody idea what it is
if you know me long enough
you would know i have problems sleeping most of the time
however
its different today.
very different
there's such a uncertainty
even a fear
of what's about to happen
nonsensical?
well...

anyway i saw steph n her bf today
it really really brightened up my day.
i couldn't stop smiling even after they left
was in such a foul mood the whole day until them
my colleagues noticed too
i really miss her.
haven't seen her for close to a year?
she's really a person whom i would describe as 'close to my heart'
sounds mushy and weird coming from me but
that's da only possible way to signify
no one understands. not one bit.
its weird how most of my good friends are never the same age as me
strange.
but people walk in and out of your life.
i guess no one stays forever.

many thoughts for today...
strange thoughts
things i've never thought about.

all i know is the night is gonna be painful.
counting sheep isn't very helpful you know.
i wish i had sleeping pills.
guess i should starting taking some. but where to get it? haha
dumb.

madness

2006-04-03T14:12:00.000+08:00

yeah...
finally got the time to upload pics from my phone
here's the crazy pple in fox taka.

1st is Farah darling... haha i call her Far-ass
our in-charge hardly put our schedules together anymore
coz we're always caught talking and playing a fool together

nickie... another crazy girl

li ling who we occasionally call ling li
and michael who's probably the best looking philipino i've seen haha

yeah there's still a quite a number of other crazy pple
didn't have a chance to take pics wit them
i'll definitely do that before i leave
i can't bear to leave them.. sobs

anyway, our uniform nice?
a lot of customers ask if we sell it
but too bad we DON'T
wahaha

so far, ziling and leslie visited me twice, christine, reuben, singnee and xing qing came too
nelsie, another guy and kester happened walk past too haha
thanks guys for coming to see me =P
so touched

3 more weeks
don't know whether to be happy or sad

i wanna go TOPSHOP fashion show

2006-03-31T00:36:00.000+08:00

tmr it's TOPSHOP'S turn for the fashion show in the huge tent outside taka
if you haven't noticed or heard about it

and i can't go... no tickets plus gotta work too

sobs...

because of the fashion show which has been going on for quite a few days

a lot of people go walk around taka

come into Fox and make it their life mission
to unfold and look at every single design or shirt we have

and eventually not buy any

thanks to you, i have become so good at folding

can you sense the sarcasm?

today's a weird day..

things happened, shall not emphasize

but the most disgusting thing happened

...

i served a customer (middle-aged woman)

was wearing sleeveless

tried a lot of spaghetti straps

kept asking me for comments

...

and guess what

her armpit hair was this long can?

-> ------------

what the hell?!?!

please la.... for God's sake

SHAVE!!!! or something.

or don't wear sleeveless la...

argh....

felt SUPER DISGUSTED

YUCK!

it was so hard to serve her in the best attitude

praying hard she's not the mystery shopper or else i'm screwed.

however, she has left a mental picture in my head.... forever...

God save me!

i bet you're trying to imagine now

don't, please..

that's all for tonight... far too tired

haven't started writing my log book

oh no.....

happy happy

2006-03-27T00:18:00.000+08:00

tired...

really tired physically

but i'm just so alive inside

there's like no time to meet friends and stuff

dying to do more stuff, fun stuff, exciting stuff

i wanna go to sentosa and play beach volleyball

of coz, wit pple who KNOW how to play

lol... not that i despise pple who don't

but it ain't a lot of fun playing wit pple who don't

its like speaking english to someone who doesn't?

yeah... u get my point

i wanna go SHOPPING!

I WANNA GO TO MANGO, TOPSHOP, WAREHOUSE

MISS SELFRIDGE AND.....

i dont know where else le.

oh ya, many pple have commented that i have expensive taste.

i like expensive stuff and i can't do without them.

hmmm... true or false?

work is fun as usual.

i like the fact that i meet pple everyday

different ones, difficult ones, nice ones

most importantly, handsome ones

no, i'm not horny or desperate.

well, when my attachment ends

i'll be relieved yet sad.

my colleagues are the best.

they're da best group of pple to be with

i love them

they're super crazy and can brighten up your day!

thinking abt working part time when SIP ends

yawn.... my eyes are closing

good night.

power in music

2006-03-19T01:15:00.000+08:00

my latest craze:

i'll rise with you

in the wake of morning

i'll walk with you

in the cool of the night

every single day

i'm devoted to your ways

only yours, only yours

and i surrender all to you

and i surrender all to you
when i'm weak

you are strong

you're my peace

when i can't move on

you are the light

and the stars

you're the whisper

inside my heart

i'm all for you

by CCC

God is great.

i'm a living proof

beautiful eyes...

2006-03-16T23:45:00.000+08:00

work is fun yet not fun.

like i said my colleagues really make life there easier

everyone's just so crazy

we're always laughing and playing a fool.

i can't possibly tell you who's da funniest haha

also, what i love about my job is....

getting to see handsome ang mohs,

haha recently that is.

today i saw 2 handsome angmoh guys

1 on bus 518 which i take everyday to work

its eating up all my money one ride is at least $2.10

yup, as i was saying i saw him today which is the 2nd time already.

he's a very nice sized man haha that sounds weird

let me re-phrase i mean he has a very nice body shape and size

yeah, clean cut hair which i love in a guy and nice blueish brownish eyes...

he's very hardworking and currently studying in SMU

and if i'm not wrong he stays in pasir ris

(common sense tells me that coz he's on the bus when i board it and the bus comes from pasir ris.. so duh!)

haha... sound like i know him right?

no... i sat next to him on the bus and he was studying

looking up and out the window each time he finishes a bit

lol... i wasn't spying, i just happen to notice alright!

the other ang moh is more handsome

really cute, look like a mix between colin farrell and...

i don't know who... haha

he's got beautiful eyes long lashes

nice dark curly hair, strong build

ya... he came in to look at clothes

and i HAPPEN to be at the men's section so i asked if he needed help

and blah blah help him look for his size and stuff

he's very nice and polite

very very charming

even michael said he's handsome

yeah.. then i helped him fold his clothes and bring it to the counter

and smiled here and there

so charming!

that's PARTLY why i like to work at the men's section

so can see guys... haha

PLUS the guys don't anyhow touch the clothes

they use their eyes to see and not pick up the clothes and chuck them there like its their grandmother's house

they're much more polite

and they're clothes sizing is easier to remember

SO PLEASE DON'T SEND ME TO THE LADIE'S SECTION!

hehe.... reserved alot of nice clothes for myself plus other pple have not touched or tried it... brand new... plus discounts at any store by wing tai clothing pte ltd

now you want my job too huh?

(^-^)

happy happy happy...

2006-03-11T00:32:00.000+08:00

i don't know why but today i'm really happy

just happy...

went for cg meeting after work.

we had a really super short cell group meeting for once

then we played captain's ball and volleyball

hehe... i haven't played volleyball for super long

plus jinlian and zi were there to play wit me

and keeve of course

it was so fun... haha

i just love volleyball

i love getting all sweaty and dirty by playing volleyball

i love volleyball

i miss it...

never get tired of it, the more you play the more you wanna

volleyball just makes me happy

playing volleyball with peeps who know how to play makes me even happier

i miss my volleyball sisters

yanping,jerlin,jessica,laymin,kelly,eileen,rachel,cheryl,siewling

did i miss anyone out? they're the best pple to play wit

miss da days we would sometimes skip recess or stay back for long hours after school just to play, rain or shine. play till we would roll on the floor laughing our heads off.

play play n play...

we were faithful to the sport, not really da CCA

for me that is, i'm a person who doesn't like to go through training and stuff

i mean who likes it? but i just choose not to go at all instead of suffer in silence

yes, i'm like that.

very heck care right?

if i don't like class or training i just don't show up

until i get debarred or threatened to get kicked out of the team

which eventually shortchanged me of the many opportunities

i could have been part of the main 6

i could have scored As

too many regrets

but i just don't seem to learn...

i remember some one told me you can tell a person's personality or character by the way he/she plays games for instance today's captain's ball

i noticed a lot about the people around me

and i realized something about me.

when i play captain's ball i like to stand on the chair and catch da ball

i must say i'm really not bad at it haha

but i interpret it this way:

i'm someone who doesn't like to go through the whole process,

the stuff in between. i just like to be part of the ending result

a part of the success.

in other words, i'm unwilling to work hard, i just want the success.

scary but how true, i don't like to go class or trainings

but i wanna be at the top

i want the comfortable short cut

i'm scary....

by the way i scored a B+ for digital imaging!!!

remember the one where i showed you the images of me and magazines?

yup that one

i rather have A of coz but this is the highest grade i've got for my year 2 =)

praise God!

sniffs

2006-03-06T01:12:00.000+08:00

i've been working my ass off for the past few days

fell sick, fever and flu and sore throat

the usual stuff...

took mc for today and monday. yay!

can get enough rest and then go back to work.

work is getting really frustrating bcoz the customers mostly ladies just can't keep their hands off the clothes and then they chuck it a side shamelessly. or else when i say "hi, can i help?" wit a smile on my face they reply rudely, "No!"

i wish i could just put a huge sign.

"Wanna see, don't touch. Wanna touch, fold it."

or something like, "Touch and i'll bite!"

haha... yup i'm crazy... but its really frustrating to fold like a million times.

i even realize i've been folding the same top like a hundred times.

and i just can't seem to open my mouth and say "Hi welcome!"

haha... i eventually did but rather softly.

Saturdays are the worse, endless crowd.

endless clothes to fold.

i'm very pro now, can fold a spaghetti nicely in 2 seconds

i can't simply scream at the irritating customers so i just stare at them

and will know what happened and which person did it haha

so if you ever go to a clothes store and see clothes folded on the shelf or table.

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM PICKING IT UP!

KINDLY LOOK FOR IT ON DISPLAY.

THANK YOU!

or else i'll stare at you haha.

i'm controlling though. if my boss sees me like that i'll fail man.

anyway, rather emotional these days.

period of transition and change is always hard to go through.

feel let down so often, feel so lousy often.

feel like i'm falling further and further away from my loved ones.

all sorts of things start to happen.

maybe its another test.

all i know is the road is long and rocky and i'm alone

i only can look up to God and never look behind.

cheers to myself. =)

i'm fox-ie!

2006-03-01T19:43:00.000+08:00

my attachment or rather SIP- Student Internship Programme has started
on the 27th of February, Monday.

i'm posted to Fox at taka.
have to work 6 days a week, and the 1 day which i'm off is on a weekday =(
work in shifts - Morning -> 10am-6pm

Afternoon -> 1.45pm-9.30pm, sundays until 10.00pm
which is not including the extra minutes for closing or if some irritating customer plans to stay in the shop until after closing time.

i basically fold clothes, serve customers and fold more clothes.

and this would go on for 2 whole months in other words 8 weeks.

i still can attend cell group but it's gonna be really rush especially when i have to be there earlier to practice songs wit Keeve.

as for saturday service, i really can't make it either shift i take. so i'll have to go for sunday morning.i'll really miss zizi and our usual coffee+conversations, plus sorry to dwayne can't bring him to saturday svc

i know you must be wondering why the hell am i a salesgirl when i'm in design school.

yes yes, even i'm confused but i guess there was miscommunication about my job responsibilities when i was told abt earlier before i accepted the job.

but well, God can make something good outta every situation so i'm really trying to look on the positive side because there's no point sulking for 2 whole months.

still trying to adapt to this kinda life, still complaining and stuff.

well honestly, i'm rather happy with this job.

met new and fun people. its always nice to know more people especially people like li ling haha. who's also having attachment but from NYP business sch. so we're in this together and constantly having fun even just folding clothes together haha.. sounds odd, i know.

she just can fold clothes very nicely, unlike me. hers is always so nice and neat argh!

thank God for her or else i'll feel so lonely haha.

we had a meeting yesterday about displaying clothes and stuff basically about visual merchandising which is quite useful i feel. at least i gained something.

i feel that this job is rather humbling.

you meet people from all walks of life and they come in, look around or try clothes and you have to serve them and smile at them however shitty you feel or however shitty they are.

in a way it teaches you patience and maybe gentleness? haha...

yeah... then after they leave, bitch about them with other colleagues lol.
yup, i went to TOPSHOP to buy a pair of covered toe shoes just for work.

EVERYONE can't believe i bought it for $39.90

its white and looks like school girl shoes
call me crazy but it ain't gonna affect me. hah.

MY POOR FEET. blistered and aching.

can you imagine not sitting for the whole day?

plus wearing new shoes that cause blisters

and you know me, i usually wear slippers so i'm not used to proper shoes

God save me!

if you love, do drop by at Takashimaya B2, Fox, near the escalator and water fountain

i'm usually at the women's section laughing my ass off at li ling and da funny things she says

wahaha..

my poor eyes...

2006-02-26T14:14:00.000+08:00

i'm going blind!

yes... i believe so.

stupid Bausch and Lomb ReNu contacts lens solution!

how dare u sell contact lens solution that causes infection!

HOW DARE YOUUUUU!!!

so many people believe in you and did this to us!

i mean didn't they like detect it before they started selling like so many years ago?

totally no excuse!

even if u started to manufacture it you should still keep on experimenting to make sure its really 100% safe. you mean after you start selling the solution you just leave it and don't bother about the feedback or anything?

thats just being lazy!

but i have to say that its awfully weird that all of a sudden people say that it causes infections especially since i've been using this brand for like 3 over years? i had no such problem except recently, a few days ago before the news on the solution came out i have been excessively rubbing my eyes at night just before bed or when i just wake up.

i guess maybe its just because i'm tired or sleep really late or simply because i didn't remove my make-up properly. Especially since i don't use make-up remover coz i'm super broke so all the bits of mascara are not washed off properly and it goes into my eyes or something.

then the news came out.

and the sad thing is the day before it my sister just bought 2 huge bottles of it.

thanks man. wad good timing.

sigh...

we're all so broke that we haven't bought new contact lens solution hah.

so my sisters wear they're specs out most of the time

but i don't because i hate my specs, so ugly which my parents refuse to change for me

so i just continue using the solution.

honestly, its not so bad.. but well, you never know.

plus, i always forgot to change my monthly disposable lens (oops)

most of the time, i just have no money to buy anymore just like now haha!

one day if i become blind u'll know why.

so if you love me and my beautiful eyes, buy me contact lens plus Complete MoisturePLUS contact lens solution(recommended by xiaxue)

THANKS! God will bless you for being kind to me wahahaha...

argh! when i become rich, which i will someday haha, i'll just go for the eye operation thingy,

how do u spell it? lasic surgery? las-something sugery la.

and then, i don't have to keep putting on contact lens or wear specs.

my eyes can be FREEEEEE!!!

i want colored contact lens, grey ones. i think its a nice color dont you think?

it'll fit perfectly with my eye make-up which is always black or blue-green.

i simply love dark colors.

read xiaxue's blog about using fake eyelashes.

and i totally agree that if you get a hang of putting on fake lashes it'll save you a lot of money and time. mascara is just so messy.

sometimes its so hard to get rid of all the mascara and its really bad for your eyes.

but it seems rather scary to glue them to your eyelids haha.

but look wad they can do for your face!

it helped xiaxue and many others and most of all elva hsiao.

just looking at her, you know that fake lashes made her pretty and sweet.

so... my next investment shall be on fake lashes.

no to mascara!

can u handle it?

2006-02-23T00:06:00.000+08:00

yesterday i talked about being longsuffering and having a better attitude..

and immediately, today i'm tested..

honestly, its not the easiest thing in the world for me

for anyone..

i controlled as much as i could

but my stupid big mouth eldest sis just have to piss me off

today was supposed to be a happy day

went shopping, BOUGHT stuff, finally.

and my 2nd sis said she'll buy more clothes and a pair of shoes for me when she gets her pay soon!

bought a nice necklace from TOPSHOP, it costs $5 only!

usual price $16

and the black leggings(some pple call it tights)

which is in fashion for a while already

for $17, usual price $33

thats why i'm so happy..

and then came home and received a letter from my sch informing me i'm debarred from 'Professional Communication for Designers' class, just by the name of it you know how boring it is. anyway i found out long time ago already

just that today they sent mail

my eldest sis questioned me then i honestly told her

when my parents came home she said:

dajie: so u want me to tell them or u wanna say it yourself?

me: (thinking in my head... huh? wad thing?)

after 5 seconds

me:(oh! the debarred thingy)

dajie talking to my parents: she got debarred again!

then my parents nagged and nagged and my sis nagged too say i'm very stupid and everything and at that point i wanted to kill her already coz i hate it when she says i'm stupid, she has been confessing for the past 18 yrs of my life that i'm stupid and useless.. so i'm very sensitive to it

so i controlled my temper and silently sat there as they nagged

then she msged my 2nd sis who was not at home

telling her about me getting debarred then my 2nd sis ask me if i'm ok and ask me not to cry

haha... like wad the hell?

i will never cry bcoz of getting debarred.

ah whatever, i'm in a foul mood

i don't wish to be around my eldest sis..

God help me.

live and learn

2006-02-21T21:11:00.000+08:00

gonna start work soon, Dee is also attached there.

so i'm glad i have a friend there already although i'm not very close to her

8.30pm report to Wing Tai pte ltd. nervous.

hope i can wake up

had dinner wit zi n roy to celebrate her belated birthday

felt like ages since da 3 of us sat down together

i missed it... i hope we'll have more of such chances to meet up

before zi left she said something that touched my heart,

i don't know why i suddenly became so emotional and i just want her to know i treasure her!

how many 15 yr olds and 19 year olds can be so close? haha...

its rare, its from God.

i always tell her she's da younger sister i never had.

we talked n talked.

i'm learning to listen more and talk less. haha.

for a change.

the things i wanna seriously achieve this year:

1. better attitude (listen more, talk less)

2. be filled wit the Holy Spirit everyday

3. train and improve my voice to sis bel's/nikki fletcher's standards

4. get rid of my tummy!

5. speak proper english

6. to love n be longsuffering

7. learn illustrator and vectors

i guess most pple will wonder why i say no.5 speak proper english right?

but i feel its almost humiliating when you communicate, give a presentation, go for an interview or even serve someone with bad english.

english is our main language, at least for me since i suck at chinese

the least i could do is speak good and proper english

no need for an accent.

i feel that if at the end of the year or even month and you look back at all the things that happened

and u didn't change or learn at all. you didn't live.

everyday is a new day, a learning experience
you learn about yourself, learn about others
learn not to do this and learn to do that.
today, i learned to love...

yes. =)

"my husband visited hookers on our honeymoon"

2006-02-17T15:24:00.000+08:00

no, i don't have a husband
its not me
it's an extract from FEMALE magazine March issue which i just read last night, a rather sad story about a really brave woman, Denise* (*not her real name of coz)
i shall be nice and type it ALL out for u to read..

"i 1st met Lee* about 6 yrs ago. 1 of his friends started dating 1 of my girlfriends, so our 2 grps of friends hung out casually going for movies, ktv and supper quite frequently.

i'd been dating someone for 4 yrs then, but thinigs got rocky btwn us after he lost a lot of $ gambling. Darryl* was very bad-tempered and i was often his whipping toy for things that weren't even my fault. we fought all the time, but i always gave in. My girlfriends kept telling me to dump the slacker. Although i wasn't interested, they started pushing me towards Lee*, whom they thought was a better choice because he was rich, handsome and quite the funny guy - he was always the centre of attention, cracking us up.

Oddly enough. Lee was the catalyst to my break-up: he had intervened when he caught Darryl* rouogh handling me one night after a fight and Lee* threatened to beat him up if he ever came near me again. that was the last i saw of my no-good ex. the concern Lee* showed in subsequent weeks, his phone calls and taking me out to cheer me up, made me see him as my 'knight in shining armour' and that quickly developed into a full-on crush, although i never let on.

For the longest time,we didn't know that Lee* had a gf - she never joined our grp outings and he certainly didn't mention her. We only found out from the other guys after Lee* disappeared off the radar for almost 6 months that Amy* his gf since JC, had dumped him for another guy. it really crushed him - apparently he had planned to propose to her that new year's eve but she called off their relationship in november before he even got the chance.

Even after Lee* and i got together, i've never dared broach the topic of Amy* bcoz i'm afraid he'll either fly off the handle or retreat into his own shell and shut me out. And that's how it's been with him since. he's gregarious most days but once in a while. something will light his fuse and he'd be sullen or hostile for weeks, i can only guess that certain things triggered memories of Amy* so i try to be understanding. i found out more about her from the guys, like how she was better educated than Lee* was and felt that his friends were crass. apparently she was such a control freak that he had to lie about 'entertaining clients' when he went out with his friends.

i wanted to be there for Lee* after his break up the way he had been for me but he was incommunicado for months. i was so glad when he finally reappeared from the rock he'd been hiding under since his break-up that i all but threw myself at him. He had lost a lot of weight, so on the pretext of nursing him back to health, i asked him out for dinner a few times a week. we became lovers within a month. my friends were concerned that he was still on the rebound. i knew it was probably true myself, but a part of me also felt like fate had intervened to finally bring us together. Except for the occasional mood swing, he was loving and attentive, a perfect boyfriend. when he prosposed - perhaps impulsively - after 3 months, i accepted. We had our ROM 4 months later in December 2002.

A wedding "gift" i had an inkling of Lee's sex drive before we got married, from his frequent demands for sex, as well as his open habit of watching and surfing for porn. It bothered me at 1st, but he insisted, ' if a man says he doesn't do porn, he's a liar'. i quickly leaned not to bug him about stuff like that, as he'd go stony faced and say, i'm warning you, you'd better not be like Amy* ', which chilled me because i still didn't know how he really felt about her. Murderous hatred mixed with grief?

Perhaps it was this insecurity that made me go along with it when he told me just before our ROM, to be prepared for his need for 'variety' in women. He said it so nonchalantly that i could only nod, stunned. I went home and cried for almost a week, but in the end, i still followed my heart and went ahead with the marriage. I loved him enough - i still do. And i know he really loves me. We had a simple wedding dinner with his family in Malaysia, then headed off to Japan for a 2 week honeymoon.

On our last night, we were strolling along entertainment strip in Tokyo when a pimp approached him with some girls' photos. i quickly pulled Lee* along, but even back at the hotel, he was distracted. Finally he told me that he wanted a Japanese girl before we left. i burst into tears and threw a fit, screaming at him that it was our honeymoon and that the least he could do was show me some respect. i honestly don't remember how he calmed me down, but i ended up agreeing to help him pick a girl. i had planned to pick the oldest and ugliest hooker i could find, but i took it a step further by choosing a chinese national instead of a japanese one. i was totally numb as i returned to our hotel alone to wait for him in our suite. He stumbled back drunk at 4am, chided me for making lousy choice and said that he'd picked 2 girls himself in the end, then gone karaoke with 'some friends'.

i couldn't speak to him until we got back to Singapore the following night. i was trying to hold myself together. i said i wanted to pass the snacks i'd bought to my friend, and left in a cab. i called one of my best friends and cried all the way till i got to her place. i couldn't bring myself to tell her at 1st - i felt so ashamed, yet u didn't want to tarnish her impression of him. i just sobbed and sobbed, probably for hours. She must have been so alarmed. i wanted to divorce him. i wanted to kill myself. i wanted to run away. The ironic thing was, Lee* though i was totally OK and actually SMS-ed me: 'don't stay too late. Your husband misses you.' How blind men can be!

i went back to our flat the next morning - i didn't want to impose on my friends, and i certainly couldn't go back to my mother's. When Lee* awoke around 4am, he knew immediately from my red, swollen eyes that something was wrong. Surprisingly, i could speak very calmly. Maybe it was my exhaustion, or maybe i had no more tears left. i told him that he had disgraced me by visiting porstitutes on our honeymoon, and that i couldn't be with a man who expected me to put up with his straying ways. He was very quiet at 1st. i half expected him to explode. But instead, he argued that it's better for him to pay for sex than have affairs - as he needed an outlet for his physical 'needs' without the emotional involvement. He admitted that he'd started going to prostitutes because, in the months leading up to his break-up with Amy*, she'd refused to sleep with him and he 'has needs'. i retorted that he now had me and didn't need to seek out other women for sex, but he merely replied,'it's different'.

i hope he'll outgrow this, i cannot say why, but i felt like i understood at that point and i stayed with him. This, despite knowing thatnhis trips to China with some other guys 3 times a year - were purely for sex. The burning humiliation i felt when Lee* and his friends opnely joked about their escapades in my presence, i masked with wisecracks and forced laughter. i know my friends feel sorry for me.

The topic of his infidelity has swept under the carpet, which is easy because Lee* is otherwise a great, attentiive husbadnwho provides for me. He's also proven to be a devoted father to our 14 month old daughter and he's even good to my mum, who is in the dark about my dysfunctional marriage. i was depressed for a while and suffered quite frequent hyperventilation attacks, always agonising about whether he was out with another woman, but i've been OK since having my baby. i think it has to do with our new living arrangements.

i now stay with my mum Mondays to Thursday, so that she can help me take care of my baby while i go to work. My deal with my husband is that he can do as he pleases during the week, but he must never bring other women back to our flat. Fridays to Saturdays are family days, and he has to spend time with us. We go shopping or take my daughter swimming, or he stays home to take care of her while i meet up with friends.

Sometimes my eldest sister takes care of my baby so that Lee* and i can go on 'dates' or for karaoke and drinks with friends. As long as he sticks to this deal, i don't say a thing. i don't even call him during the week to check if he's home or not - you can say that i prefer not to know. Although he's assured me that he practises safe sex with other women, i'm going to persuade him to go for regular check-ups for STIs.

In a way, this seperation has made him miss us more. He now calls me every night without fail and even comes over for dinner when he can. i know he still goes drinking with his friends. Whether or not his night ends with sex, i've told him i've decided it's not worth the anguish of wondering, to which he responded quite seriously, that he rarely does such things anymore.

i'm really hoping Lee* outgrows his womanising phase, and that, by the time our daughter is old enough to understand things, he would have settled down to be a one-woman family man. But if he refuses to stop, and there's nothing else i can do, i definitely want him to be more discreet for our daughter's sake. i don't want her growing up thinking that a husband's philandering is OK - i want a better fate for her."

THE END

I think she's really a forgiving and strong woman. Pitiful but i really respect her.

which one of us could be so understanding?

would u?

i'm in pain.....

2006-02-16T21:47:00.000+08:00

today has been an interesting interesting day
was reading da vinci code until 3 plus last nite
so i woke up at 1.16pm haha
then went downstairs to the best coffeeshop in the world
bought yummy half-spring chicken rice and my usual teh peng
which i HAVE to drink at least once everyday...
its the best coffee shop, really.
everythings nice or at least average
unlike most of the other coffeeshops...

went home, ate, watched american idol which i taped last nite
talked to my mum, helped her vacuum da floor since her leg hurts
i'm such a nice daughter...
then after that i went to exercise!
yeah u didn't read wrongly i actually exercise..
i'm getting fat, i have to exercise i hope this time i'll really do it 3 times a week

so.... i went downstairs and decided to run around the jamiyah old folk's home just opposite my house.. as i was running i passed by the small pavilion next to the exercise station downstairs.. there were 3 malay boys, 2 malay girls, sec sch kids... then as i ran 1 round i went past the pavilion again for the 2nd round and guess what
there was another malay girl, she was screaming and shouting angrily at all da malay people there then as i ran away from there i turned

and i noticed 2 guys were holding her and another one of the guys was punching her in the stomach...
scary... a lot of people around were staring but i just ran...
eventually i ran home after that round and ran up 8 stories of stairs then went home... from the balcony window i looked for those malay kids again...
they were still screaming and shouting at each other... then the security guard of the old folks home came and interfered then they left...
my theory is that girl who was getting beaten up must have offended one of the other girls and the guys who are mostly likely the boyfriends of either of the girls so they helped to whack her...
lol.. poor girl, outnumbered... but she seemed like she deserve it coz she was so noisy!

after spying, i skipped rope for 5min, did some crunches, used the hoola hoop for 10min... hoping it'll break down my tummy fats..
after all that, i had a severe blackout. i was so scared..
blackouts are like this: suddenly, your head feels real heavy, u may fall because of the imbalance, at da same time ur vision starts to turn to darkness in the matter of seconds then it comes back and at the same time, ur eyes and head hurt real bad... you'll feel like all the blood in ur body suddenly decreased significantly in your body for that few seconds... in the end u end up in cold sweat and fear it'll happen again...
i was lucky i didn't faint.
the last time i had a blackout was months back..
but this time it felt serious... i dunno why...
maybe because i suddenly exercised after a long time
or maybe coz i'm anaemic? i don't know man...
just thank God i don't have heart pulpitations(irregular heartbeat) anymore...
guess i should eat more red meat...

then went to celebrate my daddy's bday at fish n co coz he wantd to eat that =)
so much for the workout, i think i put on more weight after eating calamari, fish n chips, mussels and some of my daddy's birthday sorta cake, hot brownies with 2 scoops of icecream... courtesy of fish n co... yum!

on the way there, i tripped over the stairs at the bus interchange! thank God i didn't fall wearing my mini mini skirt
injured my 2nd toe, the nail is gonna come out
half of it is still attached to my skin
it was bleeding, stained my shoes.. sobs
its really painful.. can't walk properly
and my ankle feels a bit sprained
i'm really afraid my nail will come off...
my toe nails are painted red... it wasn't i bet u can see all the blood yucks!

da pain is simply excruciating...

if i press my nail u can see the blood oozing out...

yuck!!!!

so disgusted by myself

my big toe and 3rd toe hurts too

my big toenail cracked a tiny bit too

sobs

i don't know wad to do...

sobs

clueless...

2006-02-15T17:12:00.000+08:00

no more projects!!!
woohooooo
so happy so very happy...
a break, finally, from all the crappy sch projects
valentine's day was fun...
saw zi n christine at coffee bean
saw a lot of weird pple and awkward sec sch kids..
there's one person which i felt was really funny

she was from pasir ris sec i think? probably sec 2?
she was holding roses, i think only 1? in those shiny plastic wrap
and she was holding it like how u would hold dirty socks,
or something like when someone ask u to throw away dirty tissue for him/her
that way... like if she holds it close to her or with her whole hand instead of fingertips,
she will die of some disease!
lol... weird girl...

<-- my 2nd sister received flowers from a secret admirer lol.. 12 rose bouquet and the roses are really nice it's really the nicest roses i've ever seen, they look like velvet! yeah... sharon from wingtai asia called me 4 times, n i missed it... yawn i'm going down to the office on thursday to look around n stuff hopefully we can arrange where i'll be located at i'll be doing customer service, and visuals? most prob i pray i pray i'll be situated in TOPSHOP, anywhere in singapore as long as its topshop! lol... zi ruby n tiff are already eyeing my discounts =P can't wait! please remind me that when i work i have to save at least 40% of my pay.. i haven't saved $ since.... never!

saw this at island shop, paragon.^^^

isn't it nice?

its white, with pink thread just like the color i used for these words

really sweet looking...

its on 70% discount, it used to be 70 plus? now $24

cheap right?

however, this is the smallest size, size 6.. and its too big...

doesn't seem like right? but it is if i move u'll see my bra n everything

maybe i'll buy it n not wear a bra lol...

OKAY! i've decided to get it...

i've never like bought a dress haha

anyone wanna watch 'rumor has it'?
da one with jennifer aniston as lead actress?

love is in the air

2006-02-09T18:18:00.000+08:00

yes!!!
i've finally got an offer for my internship
Wing Tai Clothing Pte Ltd.
they're responsible for TOPSHOP, TOPMAN, dorothy perkins, U2, G2000, NIKE men and women, warehouse...
i'm lovin' it... thank God...
i was starting to get really worried when nobody replied me
like page one publishing and I-S magazine and JUICE magazine.. their magazines are really cool i would love to work there.. i like Naughty by Nature pte ltd too.. they're a make over company.. quite cool.. charlie lim photography is real cool too...
but at least i have an offer now.. better than nothing and its not too bad..
i get to do the visual merchandising and stuff..
although she said they don't need pple to do for topshop, i hope during the 8 short weeks she'll let me do something for topshop..
it'll be a DREAM come true.... hehe
Wing Tai Clothing here i comeeeeeee......

anyway i can't wait for V-Day... no not bcoz i have a date but bcoz my last project is due on that day so i can be over and done with all the projects!
yay!
every single february edition of whatever magazines are all talking about sex and v-day.. lol.. like sexy lingerie to buy and blah... i guess on v-day every where will be packed...
and everywhere will be couples, couples and more couples...
i recently met up wit a guy friend and he used to have a gf, short term kind and they've broken off and valentine's day is coming and i can feel his 'flirting' energy is back on... he suddenly starts hitting on every single girl on earth... yawn... what a loser...

a touch from heaven

2006-02-07T23:08:00.000+08:00

supposed to do my psychology homework for the presentation tmr however,

i chose to watch CCC's service on 5 feb 6pm...

nikki fletcher..

it was great... she sang a new song i don't know the title but it goes like this...

all of my life i've long for You

be by my side, show me through

i need You more with everyday

here at the cross is where i'll stand

Jesus, lead me

restore my soul

i'll walk as You guide me

Your goodness follows me

my soul delights of Your greatness we sing

my soul delights as we worship our King

followed by the chorus of how great is our God and how great thou art..

'which is then sings my soul my savior God to thee........'

u know?

yeah... it was just perfectly put together...

i love songs with simple and little lyrics but great big meanings...

more than that, the anointing...

as i wrote down the lyrics and thought about some songs

i felt the scene was so familiar...

de javu

recalled pst. kong's message on de javu...

watched the delirious service a few times then proceeded on to do my psycho stuffs...

feel really happy today compared to the past few days..

i guess it was the music, it seems to lift me up.

i figured more chords on guitar and piano for more songs...

sense of achievement...

i wish i could do this for the rest of my life..

its just a special feeling but sometimes i feel its not my hands that are playing...

probably Jesus' hands... lol but i'm truly thankful for such a gift..

thank God for music... or else life would be such a bore..

craving for coffee *hints*

fetish!

2006-02-05T21:30:00.000+08:00

went ktv last night, slept real late and woke up at 11.45am no mood to do project man
but no choice.. have to hand it up tmr.
spent the whole afternoon doing my Digital Imaging project.

the topic is about fetish!
And i chose magazines!
i've really got a fetish for magz coz i can't stop buying them..
unless i've got no money...
Since my sister stopped buying, i have been buying...
just like to look through and see stuff... or read interesting articles..

so i have to do 3 digitally edited pieces.. take a no. of photographs and place them together and make it work.. so they will look something like david lachapelle (http://www.davidlachapelle.com)
i love his works, very playful and contrasty kinda thing going on.
but he likes to take nude and s&m stuff so he's like banned i think? if i remembered what teng hong said correctly.. my DI lecturer...
he gave me really good advises on how to change my work and it looks much better now.
take a look!

just in case u're wondering, thats actually my eldest sis i asked her to pose for me. hehe.. for this pic i used 5 different pictures and put them together.. well blended?

i love this one the most!
the last one is not complete, no idea what to do..
tenghong said i should put my picture on the cover of all the magazines in the collage of mag covers i did earlier. but its really difficult and i gave up.. thinking of letting the whole composition be a magazine cover itself with various magazine covers on its cover page. hehe

anyway i had a photograph session just now for this project..
i was the model and the photographer haha..
set my digicam to 10sec countdown.. so it was easy just that i had to run around...
modelling is tiring haha if i had a nice backdrop and appropriate lighting it would have been perrrrrfect!

look like i'm pouting or like trying to kiss and have no white in my eyes? haha

hehe....
makeupless in the last pic.. hehe...
putting make up takes only like the most 15min, really easy but getting it off is difficult..
always don't feel clean.. espeically when u use mascara..i put like 3 layers of it make up remover doesn't help much... everytime when i rub my eyes the next morning when i wake up bits of the mascara will come off..
took over 30 photos and in the end
i only used 1 for my project... yawn...

sing till u drop

2006-02-05T02:38:00.000+08:00

ahhhhh!!! Delirious came today!!!
Martin Smith is handsome, steals da limelight of the other band members but well they really flow well together and i like the drummer too coz he plays really well and i love their songs...
there's just simply soooo much to like about them...

there's just something different about them this time round i really don't know why, their just different from the last time i saw them which was during the Festival of Praise last year.

Their songs are really nice and really contemporary.

enjoyed every single moment of the service...

it was simply spectacular and was such great fun to praise and worship God wit them...

ahhh it was just great!

Martin Smith is charming, i suppose he's quite old like late 30s? coz he already has 5 kids can u believe it? lucky woman. i wouldn't mind having such a husband that can serenade and romance u with his voice and charms and even better, he loves God.

i wish, i wish, i wish for a husband like that too =P

lol, timo keeps pushing me to get a boyfriend everytime during service or anything if someone talks abt getting married or bf n gf he'll nudge me non-stop and smile cheekily at me saying i need to get a boyfriend.

well, if someone like martin smith appears i'll chiong ah!!!

lol, just kidding i'm really shy actually =)

Anyway, there was one part where he held a note for like 20 over seconds?

AND THEN he inhaled for a tiny breath of air and continued with a big long note again..

and it was powerful ok?

very few pple can do that successfully and he's one of them

cool.. it really shocked me...

and that's when i started to admire him more...

i really admire great singers, and great God-loving singers even more.

Such as Darlene, Nikki Fletcher, Sister Annabel and Brother Calvin...

Their my favourites...

they're really great, great voice, great talent, devoted to God plus they look great too.

i like to observe their voice and learn from them but its not easy, i end up impersonating instead. Which i don't really like because i feel to be a good singer you have to have your own style, to be an even greater singer u've gotta learn the techniques to improve your voice constantly.

thats my goal in life, to be a great singer for God.

if i were to ever lose my voice and become dumb i'll really crumble.

bcoz da one thing i feel i can do is singing and only singing. i'm not very good at other stuff hehe...

happy happy...

crying - a sign of weakness?

2006-02-02T02:18:00.000+08:00

its getting harder and harder to fall asleep each night...
i don't know why...
too many thoughts? too many worries?
even when i finally sleep i get tormented by nightmares of the things i fear and dread...
it's all too real and really seem to be the things that deep down in my heart, i fear will happen...
i can't describe how torturing it is... when its day it's so easy to forget but when it gets darker into the night it all creeps back...

when i finally decide to open up n share it with someone, it almost seems like the door just slammed right at my face and i wonder why bother saying? does it matter? its my freaking problem and who's gonna wanna listen or even hear me cry?

a good friend is hard to find, a friend who'll meet urs needs is even harder to find.. but no ones perfect even i don't think i'm a person who can meet pple's needs i only empathize...

i remember once i was so depressed i couldn't help it but start to cry and the person with me didn't know why and kept asking but it was hard to explain bcoz i was too overwhelmed to even talk.. however, the person wasn't very patient to wait for me to say instead got kinda pissed off that i wouldn't open my mouth...
haha.. how ironic... honestly i would have committed suicide that day if i didn't know Christ but that fine day i realized not to expect much of others...

but is crying a sign of weakness?
my psychology lecturer once asked my class that...
i feel that most people or rather most guys see crying as a sign of weakness, or something that's not very macho or manly..
but to think of it, crying is a way of expressing emotions
just like violence, when u're angry u hit someone out of anger right? not because u are weak or strong.
crying can be the most excruciating thing in the world, u feel like vomitting and coughing and sniffing all at one time, can't breathe bcoz ur nose is so blocked up and ur chest is tight, feel like all the tears flowing from your eyes will cause a drought in your body, feel like your eyes are getting smaller and smaller as the flesh around it starts to swell and the minute u look into the light u feel like a vampire thirsty for darkness, feel naked and exposed, feel like ur heart is getting squashed repeatedly and your chest explode any moment.

crying - a weakness? thats quite a lot of things to deal with there if u're not strong u'll probably jump out the window.

crying is a reaction to a situation, a variable.

then he asked, "if your boyfriend cries will you still accept him?"
the whole class became so quiet.
interesting question eh?

until now, i don't know what my answer would be.
tricky...